How is it that I have fallen this far behind on seemingly everything? Stacks of envelopes and papers cover my desk, counter, table, and fill a few totes along with random objects that I have scooped up off the floor. Piles of clothes collect throughout the house - the pile for goodwill, towels to get put away, towels to go out to the pool cabinet, stuff for the camper, stuff to return to kids' rooms, stuff to be hung up.... Why can't I see the bottom of my sink? Why can't my toilet and shower sparkle like the ones on TV?
As someone who works from home, one would start to wonder what I do with my time at home each day. Honestly, I am not holed up in front of the TV all day or sleeping (although I sometimes nap from 2-2:30 as part of my 'lunch break'). I'm not out with the girls, no bon-bons on the couch while I read or catch a movie. I am working -writing, updating client websites, developing curriculum for future classes and tutoring sessions, updating contact lists. I'm coordinating calendars and keeping up with correspondence for clients, vendors, and home. I manage social media for my clients (which means, yes, I am on Facebook, but it does involve a paycheck). I try to keep up with dishes and laundry and sweeping as I go through my day. Afternoons usually transform me into a taxi service and chef (simultaneously) and some nights a coach as well. So why can't I keep up?
To some, the answer is obvious - none of us is 'Supermom', and until I make my first million there is no one to help me. Wait a minute - that's not true. I do not live in this house alone. I am not making this mess by myself, and I shouldn't be the only one who has to manage it. I know - nos itt rocket science, but how many of us are doing more than our fair share of maintaining our home? We ease our conscience by telling ourselves we are taking care of our family, we are being nice, we are helping the ones we love. But there is a point where it isn't helping anyone. I think I'm there.
I'm almost embarrassed to admit some of my weaknesses. For example, my daughter has thick, wavy hair that is difficult to manage so most mornings part of our routine is fifteen minutes for me to straighten her hair, or at least help her curl it or put it up. How many of us have our own hairdresser to do our hair every day? Thankfully, we've found a good hairstyle that helps make her hair easier to care for herself. So that's one part of my morning I've reclaimed. I don't want to complain. I want to be able to do my husband's laundry and put it away for him, and make everyone's meals and clean up after them, and sort through the stacks of paper that come into the house every day and pay bills and fill out forms, homework folders, let the dogs out, let the dogs in.....
WAIT!
Where in the marriage vows does it say that I am alone in this family and solely responsible for everything? It doesn't. This is not 1950, and although I work from home, I don't get as much work done because my home responsibilities are drowning me. "Since you're home, can you drive me....", or "While you're home today, can you take care of this?". I'm supposed to do enough work to bring in a full-time salary while still making sure dinner is on the table, and everyone has clean underwear. At the end of the day, who makes my lunch? Who folds my laundry? Me. Who puts it away? Not me - I'm too tired. Then there's more mess. Then I'm depressed and frustrated.
How do we fix this? Here's my plan:
- First, I'll make a list of everything I do all day, and everything I ask for help with, and every request that is completed. This will help me see how much I do, and how much help I get. I should also track what didn't get done or what gets done without my initiating it... but I'm not sure I have time for all that....
- Next I have to analyze the results and sort it according to Covey. There is a great chart that helps with time management (Do Now, Important/Do now, not important/Do later, important/ Do later, not important). Once I can identify this, then I can see where I need help and where I can ask for help.
- Now I need a plan. I need to schedule my time so that I have due dates and allotted time for projects. And yes, I will still include a nap in my day when I can, because I believe it is healing to have that break midday. I also need to schedule my kids and the tasks they need to accomplish.
- At some point, I'll need to include my family in this schedule and get them on board with the plan. Figure out bargaining chips and keep it simple so we all can follow it and stick to it.
So what did we learn today? I'm not helping my family by helping my family. I need to empower them to take care of themselves because I am not always going to be here. And I need a firm schedule, even working from home.
What can we learn tomorrow?
