We all have special needs

This blog was founded on the philosophy that there is always something new to learn - we will never know everything, and our purpose is to continuously seek knowledge and understanding. Something I've learned through the years is that learning does not happen in a vacuum. Sure, there are times where you figure things out in the quiet of your own brain, but I can't imagine a scenario where there isn't some outside influence that sparks our thoughts and nags at our subconscious until ideas come alive. So today I pose this question to you: don't we all have special needs when it comes to learning? We all learn differently, and I am aware that there have been articles and discussions that indicate learning styles don't matter in the grand scheme of things, but how can this be true? Turn back time 100 years and consider the drop outs and 'dunce caps' - those students were ostracized because they weren't able to fit the norm and sit in rows with their hands folded reciting the three R's. I picture Willie Olson from Little House on the Prairie, constantly sitting in the corner, and wonder how his education might have improved if he was given alternatives to the standard learning methods that were available in that schoolhouse. I'm sure he absorbed some of the information that was discussed in that classroom, but how much understanding and processing came out of his experience?

We have come so far yet with every step forward there seems to be the proverbial two steps back. Study teams and case managers develop IEPs and behavior plans and classrooms can be adapted or have adaptations to meet the needs of the learners. Part of me wants to add 'to a point' and part of me wants to say 'to a fault'. The limitations I see are that there are still only so many resources and so many teachers available for too many students who have such varied needs, so while the school might be providing small class instruction, the academics are at a lower level because there is a limit to how many lessons can be taught simultaneously. So a child who is bright and actually needs a higher academic challenge is stuck because the small classroom setting that he needs is boring him because the subject and teaching are below his skill level. In the public schools, the assumption is that if there are special physical needs for learning to help students focus or process then the student must also need remedial studies. It is an unfortunate disservice either way.

Another part of the equation is the ongoing dilemma: to medicate or not to medicate? Some of my early classroom experiences as a teacher working with special needs students included personal witness to before and after medication examples. One student had an aide with her and her mother even was in the classroom volunteering a lot because she knew her daughter was a handful. After many months, the parents decided to try Ritalin, and the difference in this child was night and day. She was focused and engaged and finally had control over her impulses. A few years later, I was working in a transitional special needs classroom as an aide, and after a month or so working with the 9 students in this classroom, I came in one morning and saw one of the boys at his desk literally punching his forehead repeatedly. When I asked him why, he said, "I just took my Ritalin and it gives me such a headache until it kicks in". I felt so sad for him, that he had to hurt like that, but I also saw what a difference the medicine made, watching as it wore off midday and then took effect again with the lunchtime dose.

So now we come down to how you can help me through this blog - When it became apparent that my own son might fall into the category of ADHD or some sort of learning disability, I remembered that pain my student felt in that sixth grade class because of Ritalin and shared that concern with my husband and the pediatrician, and we really tried every other option over two years to try to help. I severely cut my hours at work. We modified his diet, sleep habits, even his environment (removed his carpet, organized his room).  Eventually, we tried a non-stimulant medication. The first day he had the pill, he sat at the table and completed his math worksheet without distraction all on his own. Then he drew me a very detailed pencil drawing of his favorite video game. That was the first drawing he had ever sat down and completed without any prompting - he just wanted to draw a picture, and he was able to get that detail out of his head and onto the paper for the first time. I cried. I cried a lot. It made me wonder what else was trapped inside his mind.

Since then, he has seen many doctors and psychiatrists and psychologists, and we have had to make adjustments as he has grown and gained weight (or not gained weight because of the medicines) and there has never been a perfect drug, but without anything things are not perfect either. In the past two months, my son has gained 7 pounds and grown 2 inches, and who knows when this growth spurt will reach its peak, and these past few months have been very difficult for all of us. Add to that a transition from middle school to high school, which is a huge campus sprawling over many acres and including multiple buildings and close to 1000 students in his freshman class. We have been assured that the school has excellent resources and that they are fully equipped to meet his needs. He is happy and has friends and is even getting involved in a club or two (which is a huge accomplishment). But there are weekly trips to the principal's office (sometimes daily) or the counselor. I worry daily about his activities in between classes and after school, since the campus is so large and they really have quite a bit of freedom. After school, they have 5th block, which is for tutorial (extra help) or clubs, or they are dismissed. My son has opted to ignore the bus and hang out, wander the surrounding town hanging out with friends, or if he goes to tutorial first or a club, he still disappears after and it is a big job for me to track him down and figure out how he will get home (which he never things about or plans for). I don't think he is aiming to be deviant or vindictive, he is just acting on impulse: it feels good to hang out with his friends, so he makes spontaneous choice and figures he'll deal with the consequences later.

When speaking with the study team in middle school, one of my concerns was the vast size of the school. I worried then that it might not be a good fit, and I researched options. There are schools that address the needs of students both behaviorally and academically. But the team encouraged us to give the public school a chance because they had many resources available. So here we are only three months in, and while there were no official disciplinary actions, there have been many concerns and conversations. Ultimately, we were required by the school to have him analyzed by a psychiatrist. We had also seen the same doctor back in 2010 upon suggestion of the middle school. This time, the doctor's solution was that our son just needed more medication for more (or all) of his day. While I agree that medication does help him to focus, and with the growth spurt we've seen in the past months, an adjustment to his medication was probably needed, but I also see that it causes him to not eat or sleep in healthy amounts so I am cautious about taking things too far. I wonder if it wouldn't be better to keep his medication at a minimal level and adjust his environment to one that is better suited to dealing with his impulsiveness and learning needs. My gut says that while he might be sad at being separated from his friends, he would be safer and his needs would be addressed more aptly in a different school setting. He wouldn't be isolated entirely from his friends, in fact, he would benefit because the one school I am leaning toward starts a little later in the day, and they don't give homework, so he would have the time to spend with his friends in the afternoon and evening without my having to harp on him to get his homework done.

So what do I want to learn today? I want to learn about Psychiatrists in the central NJ area. It has been a struggle to find anyone who really wants to help the kids. I need people to talk to and to evaluate my son and help us point him in the right direction, and find the best situation for his needs. Unfortunately, when I do find a doctor or a program I feel can make a difference (and seem to be genuinely interested) - they won't take our insurance.  Why? I am told time and again that it is because they feel it doesn't pay them enough - which to me it seems greedy and hypocritical when you are in a profession that suggests your passion is helping others. It also irritates me that the insurance company would be so stingy to deprive someone of payment they deserve, although I am more likely to believe that the doctors are really just taking advantage - they are greedy and won't accept the payment the insurance company offers, and they feel they can charge so much, which  makes them more exclusive and might even make it seem like they are better than they really are because they are able to command such a fee. My thought is that I make a 'realistic' paycheck and don't collect hundreds or thousands of dollars hourly in my paycheck, and we pay our insurance like everyone else, and the doctors should accept the paycheck the insurance company deems appropriate. My feeling is that these doctors are exploiting people in their time of need, but maybe I'm over thinking this. Unfortunately I have had a lot of time to think about it between waiting for appointments or waiting for doctors or insurance representatives to call back or waiting to hear from the school... I have had to adjust my schedule and managing these inquiries has taken over so much of my days! Which is why I felt it was time to seek more information, but not the promotional spin that one might find on the website from a practice itself, I need real feedback from real people....

Help me learn - Are there ANY good psychologists or psychiatrists out there who have made a difference in your child's life? What programs or adaptations or innovations have you found helpful in the classroom or school?  Thank you so much!

First Day of School

As my oldest drives off toward her senior year in high school and my 14-year-old boards the bus to join her, I have a few moments to consider this next chapter in our lives. I have always loved the first day of school and the inescapable changes it brings. No matter what age, each year on the first day of school you are renewed - given a clean slate and there are endless possibilities. 

So many of us are pondering the 'how did the time go by so quickly' as we put our babies on buses, but the reality is that every day leading up to this point has been full and busy, and while they may blur together, they have definitely all contained 24 hours. When we stand at the door watching the bus drive away, the real question is did we appreciate those hours to the fullest extent?  If not, what are we waiting for? 

I am thrilled to take steps down another path today - not changing directions, just adding more distance to my journey. My sidewalk has never led directly from point A to point B - it is more similar to the fabulous 'Family Circle' comics by Bil Keane, showing little Billy's footsteps swirling around his world in an amusing loop-de-loop. As much as I try to plan my day with a nice, direct route there are many side trips and pit stops along the way. Today I am excited to add two more. I have two new clients today: one looking for help along his journey through college business classes, another looking for marketing and programming ideas for it's organization. I continue to work with the small businesses I currently provide training and consulting for in areas of management, efficiency, and improving skills, and my private students who are looking to improve writing or computer skills in order to advance in their careers. 

I feel very blessed to have the ability to work with each of them because it allows me to pull from my experience and skills and creatively provide solutions for their individual needs. I enjoy the variety within my routine, and I feel that I am better able to provide help because I take the time to understand everyone and the learning styles that work best for each individual. 

Even if you are not looking for a major change, our brains need new stimuli and challenges, so don't be afraid to add a new flavor or travel via a different route. Pay attention to the surroundings, read a different magazine, or just give yourself the opportunity to grow in any way you feel lacking. They say that today's college student will have seven careers in his or her lifetime, and that three of those careers aren't even invented yet. That holds true for anyone who is willing to take that first step outside his or her comfort zone. I know I still have more to learn (I keep telling my kids that pole dancing lessons, bar tending, and becoming a Barista are a few things on my bucket list.) If you say you can't, then you are right, but the truth is you can do anything you set your mind to.

No matter what age you are, every day can be a "first day" when you focus on learning something new. TODAY is the day to make new goals and try something new. Climb out of your rut and point yourself toward a new interest, goal, or even a whim. This may be the day you try that new food or pop in and test your flexibility in a yoga class. Every day provides the potential for 'new and improved' - What do you want to learn today?

Learn Journal Week 1

February is my least favorite month - it is cold and often dark and dreary. It is a perfect time to escape through writing (or a good book, but that doesn't pay the bills!) so I work on writing coursework or some creative writing when I feel inspired. Another thing I am trying to do during these dreary days is to keep a journal of what new tidbits I am learning, because I believe we learn something new every day, and I'm hoping to track that in some sort of consistent way. So I hunker down and settle myself in with the dogs and get to work. I don't mind being cooped up inside if I can get comfy and write in front of the fire, but often the time sitting idle and thinking leads me to noticing things liked chipped paint and dirty walls, so I start cleaning and redecorating and it distracts me from my work. At least I am being productive, I suppose, and it gets me through the winter blah's. Pinterest is another major distraction, but because of it I am getting my cabinets organized, learning how to make beautiful braids, learning how to live healthier, and finding excellent new recipes.

This weekend we decided to try a recipe for pate' that I found. I learned that liver is disgusting. I am sure that in the past I have eaten pate' and not been repulsed, but I should have known right from the start that trying to make my own would not end well. Our friends raise pigs and cows and chickens, so much of the meat we get is from their farm, and often the packages from the butcher contain odds and ends such as livers and such. So after staring at these packages marked LIVER for a while, I finally decided that I would do some research. There were many recipes with chicken livers, but I have pork livers, which didn't seem to be the preferred choice. My husband tried to contribute something he read about the liver being the place where the body filters out all the bad stuff, and so it may not really be something we want to eat, but after years of hearing how some people love liver and onions and liverwurst and chopped liver, I shut him out and pressed on. I finally found some articles that claimed the benefits of liver for it's high iron content, so if you have an iron deficiency, a snack of pate' and crackers would be okay. I chose a recipe and dove in.

The livers were pre-sliced, which was good because if I had to cut into this wine-colored bloody chunk I might not have continued. That said, once I had sliced it into one inch chunks the counter resembled a horror movie. I started onions and butter simmering on the stove (smells okay so far, this isn't going to be bad, onions and butter and then garlic make everything ok, right?) and once the onions reached that nice caramel color and everything was smelling delicious, I added the liver. Instant gross-ness is all I can say. Suddenly my kitchen smelled like the barn where the cows live (which is odd because this was pork liver...) and I knew there was no way this was going to end up edible. But I pressed on.

The recipe said that the liver was done when its juices were clear. I kept waiting for it to smell better. I'm not sure how long it was before I finally decided that no matter how long I cooked it there wasn't going to be a point when it smelled better, so I turned it off and left it to cool. The next step involved the food processor and cream and brandy, so maybe there was still hope!

After some debate with my husband about the size of our food processor (do you think this is really a small one? do they make them bigger? yes, I think the ones on TV are larger than ours? no we shouldn't try to fit all of that in at once...) we added half the contents of the skillet and turned on the machine. Once we had mush, we added cream and brandy, and more salt (salt has GOT to make this better right?) and we tasted. I wish I had a camera ready to catch my husband's face (and I'm sure mine) as it registered utter distaste. We added a little more cream, a little more brandy, salt, pepper, and tried it on fresh sliced baguettes... still gross. So we called the dogs, and the concoction went into serving-size mason jars to spoil the pups for a few days.

Overall it was not a total loss, I still have faint memory of the fancy pate' I'd eaten when I was younger that I didn't hate, and I learned a bit about livers and I have quenched the desire to ever cook them again. Another lesson this taught me is that I am so very grateful to live in a time and civilization where we do not have to rely on entrails for sustenance. While I appreciate the benefits of non-processed meats and poultry, I also don't feel guilty when the 'spare parts' are discarded. We are all in a better place.