Thursday, April 28, 2011

How my son thinks...

Sam: "I took a shower"
Me: "Where is your shirt"
Sam: "I left it outside before I came in for my shower"
Me: "Well go back outside and get it"
Sam: "Why, it's not going to rain?"


After getting all the dishes into the dishwasher and all the pots and pans washed and put away, I cleaned out my sink and put a sign over the faucet that read, "Put your dishes in the dishwasher"
Sam saw the sign and said, "Why, is the sink broken?"

Some other famous 'Sam-isms':
- Why doesn't our skin blow off when we stick our head out of the car window?
- Why is the inside of my mouth wet?

There are more. There are always more because this beautiful boy has a questioning mind. Tomorrow morning I will sit in a room with 'the team' and discuss how we can make this square peg fit into the round hole. The debate in my head rages between letting the creative child learn and explore in his own way, as a free spirit outside of a traditional classroom OR taking the steps needed so that he can perform at a 'normal' level in a 'normal' classroom. Is normal what he needs? If he misses out on normal, will he turn into a recluse or a unibomber? And how would I pay for non-traditional anyway - all my money going to taxes already make it really impossible for my child to be educated in any other type of school. But having him continue in school, trying to have 'normal' is frustrating for all of us, I think. The funny thing is that the main thing keeping me from pulling him is not the education or the 'normal', it's that I just don't want him to miss out on friends and dances and class trips. Eventually, I know that he will have to do 'normal' because most jobs require that you show up to work and function and do your job. But the decision isn't mine to make at this point - it's his. He is old enough, and surprisingly enough, he likes school. He doesn't really like doing the work, or being told what to do, but he likes being in the middle school and having a locker and riding home on the bus with his friends. I just have to learn to deal with the teachers who need to figure out how to reach my child.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

mystery shopping

Yesterday I learned about ShadowShopper.com. Had I not been given information about it by one of my closest friends, I would have disregarded it as a scam, but because I trust this woman inherently, I checked it out. I just want to say how fun it has been learning about mystery shopping. I have been entertained by this for most of the day. I passed five 'tests' so far that 'certify' me to do demonstrations, mystery shopping, merchandising, and more. It isn't the most challenging work, but I know that if I provide honest feedback the businesses I visit can see where they need to improve.

I have been "shopped" myself. In my last job, it was typical to get a phone call from someone looking for child care or for someone to 'drop in' for a tour, and then we learn that was a mystery shopper. My first expeience was horrid, but it was my first week of work, and I really hadn't been properly trained. Later, I scored perfectly and was always pleased at my results.  It became easier as I began to know when the caller was really a 'shopper' - there is an obvious difference in questions between a mystery shopper and an obsessed new mom.

Others have told me that they can easily spot mystery shoppers. Experienced restaurant staff can tell because of the items and quantity of items ordered, as well as by the number of questions and types of questions they get. So as I reviewed the many opportunities there are for secret shoppers, I tried to think of how I could do these jobs with stealth. There has to be a way to act natural but get photos and needed answers.

I learned that the bathroom in the CITGO on Rt 22 in Whitehouse is gross. Ewwww. Do not go in there, and if you do, have someone on the outside ready to help you get the door open when you are done, because it sticks! While the attendants did not have uniforms or nametags, they were not unpleasant in dress or manner. The difficulty is trying to be sure that an actual employee is pumping your gas, not just a guy off the streets. As I think about this more, it worries me that I gave him my credit card. But then I remember it's pretty much used up, so he wouldn't be able to charge anything anyway! Seriously, though, it could have been risky just handing over my card to this 20-something in a black t-shirt and jeans. I won't be doing that again.

Learning to be a secret shopper will actually be helpful for my training career. When I provide trainings in customer service and quality management I can share the experiences I have as a mystery shopper with the group. I might even have them role play that they are a secret shopper and make it a sort of scavenger hunt where they need to bring back photographs or examples of items on the list. It will provide a tangible aspect to the learning that will make more of an impact.

One thing more to think about tonight: all the marketing secrets and branding and even subliminal messaging out there - am I personally more aware of it because of my experience in public relations and marketing, or is it really that blatant? I know we are taught in school about persuasive writing and about advertising and sociology, but I realize that I watch commercials not only as a consumer, but as a marketer, a teacher, and even a cynic, perhaps. I realize the objective for each camera angle, every lighting cue and close-up. I enjoy watching commercials, probably more than many people do, and have always found an appreciation for both print and video or radio media promotions. If I can visit some of my favorite stores and 'shop' and help them to improve, I think I can be happy with that.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

And then there are things I just didn't need to know.

I'm going to try to put this delicately, but there is an entire world of language out there that is totally separated from typical, non-naughty people's vocabulary. I'm not sure whether Webster has a separate book for all these terms, or if one should even exist, but even without it, we have Google to shed some light on these 'new' words that may come up. A Master Trainer I know was giving a talk today and shared with me the term "boofing" that she picked up from the employees she was training. I won't provide the actual definition here, but if you put the term into any search engine, you'll get some interesting answers. Some have to do with kayaking, but others: not so much.

I share the term not to be offensive, but to ponder WHERE DO PEOPLE COME UP WITH THIS STUFF??!! Someone had to figure these things out somehow. For example, at some point, someone decided to put corn over a fire and they learned that it pops. Someone had to be brave enough to taste it, and they didn't die. Luckily we learned that corn is better when cooked because it turns out humans really don't get any nutrients from raw corn.

Often education is a result of an accident. We tilt back in our chair at school, the chair falls out from under us, we hit the floor, we think twice before doing that again.... But sometimes someone just says, "I wonder what will happen if I stick this in here..." and they try it and they find out. It would be interesting to figure the percentage of how often either path leads to failure, injury, or death - but I suppose there really is no way to measure 'stupid human tricks'.

Overall, this reinforces the fact that learning happens anywhere, anytime. Those who say they hate learing are often the ones who learn better using experiential methods. They don't really hate to learn: they simply dislike reading and writing and sitting still. Learning takes place all the time in many forms. Sure, sitting in rows of desks in a school is the 'safe' and 'normal' way to learn, but it certainly isn't the only way. If it were, we'd still be wearing animal hides and sleeping in caves.

Monday, April 25, 2011

What we can learn from vacation

I've been M.I.A. for over a week because I was a chaperone for our HS marching band as we traveled to Disney World. The kids marched in a parade mid-week, and that was surrounded by nonstop activity for everyone visiting every park and then taking the final day to head to Universal Islands of Adventure to see the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Overall, it was an extremely wonderful experience. While it wasn't what I would call a vacation, it was certainly a step outside the norm, away from my family. I met many, many wonderful people, and got to know others better. We have some honestly terrific families associated with the MRD and I am proud to be a part of the organization. The planning and coordination that goes into a trip like this is exponentially complicated, and managing 208 students plus chaperones and parents requires six busses and two planes and almost a year of planning. Overall, this trip was a success.

The top ten realizations this week include:
- I have digested the information taught to me by the Red Cross and American Heart Association, and when faced with an emergency, I know what t do. These organizations know what they are doing and EVERYONE should be trained in first aid and CPR. EVERYONE!
- It doesn't matter how old you are. It is still really cool to meet Mickey Mouse and every other character in the parks.
- "Stitch's great escape" ride is NOT scary.
- The safari ride is worth the wait in Animal Kingdom; the animals roam free, but there are chains running across the ground and that discourages them from coming near the road because they don't like walking on the chains.
- As poorly run as things are in Universal Studios, I am glad that the Wizarding World of Harry Potter was there because it was more authentic (not touched by Disney Magic) - even though we had to wait in the sun for almost an hour to get back into that section of the park....
- The misters in each of the park are refreshing, but are bad because they wash off your sunscreen (says the girl with very red shoulders)
- Every student needs to bone up on their map skills. MANY had difficulty reading the park maps.
- Even after a long and tiring week, most of the students were positive and cooperative. I will always smile when I think back on my view from the back of the plane, as the students all put their hands up as though on a roller coaster ride during take off, cheering for the pilot as we successfully ascended and then again upon landing. It was fun and touching.
- I still do not like Escargot. YUCK!
- I can honestly understand why people return year after year to visit Disney.We went in 2001 for three days and it wasn't even close to enough time. We spent five days this time and I still have many attractions we didn't have time to do. There will always be more to do and see, and things you want to do again and again. It is truly the most magical place on earth!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Things I have learned because I have a teenager

In honor of Abby's birthday, I decided to consider all the things and people I know only because I have a 15-year-old daughter....

1. Most marshmallows have blue dye in them.
2. Thumbs look really weird when they are dislocated and the process for putting them back requires a lot of painkillers and some awkward positions.
3. Steve and Blue and that notebooks are 'handy-dandy'
4. Cotton eyed Joe
5. The Girl Scout Law
6. Florence and the Machine
7. Edward, Jacob, Alice, Bella, Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, Jasper, Emmet, Charlie, and the gang
8. One can wax their eye shut if they do not handle recently extinguished candles with extreme care
9. Genetics is a cruel and amazing science/miracle
10. Stealth closet borrowing techniques
11. Llama, llama, duck
12. The feeling of butterflies, then monkeys, dancing inside me.
13. The joy of watching my body stretch past anything I every imagined, and the experience of stretching my heart and mind beyond that every day since...
14. Lummi sticks
15. My mom was a complete idiot on so many levels and I am actually not her. I did not turn into my mother........ I became Abby's mom, and I am grateful to my beloved husband for holding my hand along the way and for being Abby's dad.

I love my teenager

Today is April 13. My baby celebrates her 15th birthday today. I love where we are in our lives, and I have felt this way about us every day of her life. Every day I think 'this is the best! She is the best! It can't get any better than this', and then I wake up and feel the same way the next day. Every age has been good so far, with all the challenges and joys that make life interesting. I feel such pride that I could burst every time I look at her. It probably should bother me that I have a 15-year-old high school freshman in my life and that I am pushing 40, but it doesn't. It just feels right and good.

Unfortunately, Abby is learning that as you get older, birthdays don't always mean big parties and lots of presents to unwrap. Her gift this year is a trip to Disney with me (and the entire Hunterdon Central Regional High School Marching Red Devil Band...), a brand new red rolling suitcase to travel with (which I handed to her Monday so she could begin packing) and a trip to Kohl'sthis afternoon to get a few pairs of shorts for said trip. We will go to dinner at the Hometown Buffet with Nanny and Pop-Pop (Abby's restaurant-of-choice - best chicken soup ever in her book) and sing happy birthday and have cake. I'm sure Joe will have something special for his princess tonight. He feels guilty not having gifts for her, but he also doesn't (want to) know how much the trip cost, but he knows that a trip to Disney is an AWESOME birthday present.... and understands that our baby girl is 'all growed up' and mature and responsible enough to not have to open presents.....

Which is why we'll both probably be at the store later today.... ah, guilt. I still must learn to vanquish you....

Things I learned from watching my mom

While I don't want this to be a bitter rant about my mom, I will preface this by saying that the sisters and I refer to mom as "Satan", so let that just provide insight to where this is coming from.

Every day that I do not actually leave the house in gainful employment, I torture myself in comparisons with my mother. I question every action, scold myself with every break. My mother did not work when I was growing up, except for a brief stint as a Tupperware Home Parties consultant. She was a stay-at-home mome, and she can try to claim she helped support the family by babysitting, but collecting money for corralling a group of children in the family room still doesn't quite qualify as working, at least not in my eyes. She was an Alternative Care/Teaching Parent for a year or so, but while that contributed to the finances, it really was a disaster. Bad parent takes in additional children with emotional and social issues... yup... genius.

My mother's ideal would be to be able to read her books and watch her movies all day, uninterrupted. She would like time to play the piano and to sew or quilt or knit when she desires.she would never use her talents for a career, then she'd have to work. Although mom was skilled in areas such as art and sewing and cooking, she doesn't have enough confidence in her abilities to make a career of them. My ex-sister-in-law once pointed out mom's martyrdom - she stayed up all night sewing a new dress to be able to say, "I stayed up all night sewing a new dress for  my daughter" - her point being that mom didn't sew the dress for her daughter, but to make herself look good (because her daughter has a new dress and because she can say look at me, I stayed up all night and I made this). When I went to work and left my new baby with her those first few years, it was torture hearing her say 'play nice' like my career was a big joke and I was nothing more than a glorified file clerk. I was so proud of my skills and talents and the company I was with, but she succeeded in making me feel inadequate and guilty about my mothering skills and priorities, but not enough to convince me to leave my job and be a stay-at-home mom like she was because then she wouldn't have her first grandchild with her every day. It was so hard to hear her talk about my job as if it was silly and unimportant and then to hear her say that my daughter was a spoiled brat. My retort was that this child spends most of her waking hours with grammy, so if she is spoiled it is mostly grammy's fault. That shut her up. It wasn't long before I would start to push this depressed, paranoid, bi-polar person out of my life.

So, as usual, my mom is my biggest motivator. The thought of her keeps my butt off the couch and motivates me to get out of bed. It dictates my hair style and color (reddish because shd didn't like it - too 'ethnic' she said). I hate blazers because she felt they meant you were dressed nicely. I know I can never overcome the environment I grew up in and would never want to forget these things that shaped who I am, but after all these years I can learn forgiveness and tolerance and understand that it is okay not to agree with how things were done before. I can make a change, I can try to do better. So I get back out of bed (although a nap would be really really really nice) and I get my shoes on and get out there and put myself on the table. Network, get myself out there, believe in myself and know that I am doing more than 'playing nice'.

I also can't get myself down. I have grown so strong, able to get through most days without a conscious sad thought about not having a relationship with my mother. I have so many wonderful people in my life - so many experiences and memories to be proud of. What was my lesson for Tuesday, April 12? YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING. JUST PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE, IT'S WORTH THE RISK.

There is no love without giving love unconditionally.
There is no friendship without sharing friendship passionately.
Sometimes it's going to hurt, but it won't kill you.
Pretty is pain, and opportunity isn't going to come looking for you under the covers.
Put on your big-girl panties, and get out there!!!

Monday, April 11, 2011

Monday, Monday

What a weekend! My sister's baby shower was beautiful, and while I cant pinpoint any one thing that I learned from the weekend, I will say that I practiced not running things, and practiced patience and tolerance. I'm still learning how to be a guest, I suppose. I have always been the leader, and the one everyone looks to when something needs to get done. But I am getting much better at not having to be in charge, and getting better at not feeling 'lazy' or 'worthless' if I don't have a lead role in a certain function. Maybe I'm finally past the age where I'm trying to prove something.

So here it is Monday and everyone's went back to school and back to work, and I am measuring my strength today. Not my physical strength (which is LOW) but my mental strength. There is so much potential and so many opportunities, so the challenge lies in the focus and the follow through. It is time to review something very important that was taught to me through the Girl Scouts, but I'm sure has been taught in many corporate classrooms around the world... SMART goals.

S = Specific
M = Measureable
A = Attainable
R = Realistic
T = Timely/Time it

In going back to these goals, I will be able to find my focus. Perhaps the biggest thing that I am missing is a calendar - I need a timeline, I need meetings and deadlines. Tonight I am putting my SMART goals on paper, and on the calendar. I've learned this lesson, now it's time to put it into practice. Wish me luck....

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Extreme Couponing

April 7, 2011

In the past 24 hours (or more) I have done a lot of reading about extreme couponing. I don't think I will ever be able to make a career out of it. I am not organized or able to juggle the math the way these "pros" do it. That isn't to say that I can't find a way to earn a little spending money with coupons. I have a few ideas and have started hoarding coupons...

So what can I share with you about coupons? I have learned that most people who are 'couponers' have a coupon binder. Most of these are essentially similar - using baseball card insert pages or photo insert pages to contain coupons so that they are visible from both sides. Many start with a box of envelopes that are labeled alphabetically by category, and then upgrade to the binder. There are people who have taken the binder one fashionable step further and created a binder bag for coupons. This is a very nice item, and I can see the value and practicality of the bag, and also can appreciate that it is not ugly or 'nerdy'. It can almost be called stylish or trendy if one was looking amongst supermarket shoppers for that sort of thing.

The best site I have visited so far has been Coupon Divas.com. The host, Kitty, is the original Coupon Diva and I enjoyed watching her as she shared her tips and finds from the couponing world. Her videos are funny and helpful, and worth the time. I want to learn how to coupon effectively, and I will be looking to Kitty for her wisdom and advice quite a bit. Great stuff!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Low tech to high tech

April 6, 2011
Yoga is relaxing. Yoga provides a good stretch. I have learned not to push so hard, because even simple stretches came back to haunt me last time. This morning, Joe is home with me because his back is hurting. He heard me talking about doing Yoga the other night and how the stretch was good. I think he missed the two days after where the pain in my neck was not good, though, because he decided that we should try Yoga to loosen up his back.
I learned that I can never take this man into a studio to practice Yoga. It is just something better kept to the privacy of the Clark home. I’m not sure that I’ll ever be able to take it seriously again if he is with me making his comments. I couldn’t stop laughing. No pain, all gain. I love my husband.
So I go from basic breathing and focusing to high tech.... I am teaching myself how to actually post this blog and how to also create and conduct a webinar. Wish me luck…

Leaking

April 5, 2011
Discovery of the day – the filling in tooth #20 is ‘leaking’.
Here’s what I found about this: (my notes in PINK)
Leaking Fillings                
A filling is said to be leaking when the side of the filling doesn't fit tightly against the tooth. Debris and saliva can seep down between the filling and the tooth.
(This doesn’t sound like the filling is leaking, it sounds like pooling, sort of…) This can lead to decay, discoloration or sensitivity.
Both amalgam and composite fillings can leak. An amalgam filling sometimes leaks slightly after it is placed. You would notice this as sensitivity to cold (Yup). This sensitivity decreases for the next two to three weeks. Then it disappears altogether. Over that period, the amalgam filling naturally corrodes. The corrosion seals the edges of the filling and stops any leaks (I’m thinking that’s not what I have).
A composite filling could be contaminated with saliva. This would weaken the bond between the filling and the tooth and allow for leaks. Other times, there may be small gaps where the tooth and filling meet. These gaps are caused by shrinkage when your dentist places the filling. Sensitivity after receiving a composite filling may disappear over time. If it doesn't, the filling may need to be replaced. (So if I don’t haves sensitivity should I replace it?)
Fillings also can leak as a result of wear over time. These fillings should be replaced. (Dang – alright, I will call..)
I also learned how to paint hydrangeas (http://muralmaker1.blogspot.com/2011/03/how-to-paint-hydrangea.html). Pics to follow….

Yoga

April 4, 2011
Last night I learned the basic Yoga poses. This afternoon I learned that I have muscles in my back that had long since been stretched that way and that those muscles could SCREAM…. So while sitting with the heating pad, I came to the conclusion that you don’t know what people are willing to read until you put it out there.

Sunday with spring fever

April 3, 2011
I learned that I can’t force myself to write every day. It’s too nice outside, and we’re going out to the Pequest Trout Hatchery to stare at some fish. (P.S. Thanks to my being given the elective of Archery in Phys. Ed. Class throughout middle and high school, I am still a pretty good shot….

Still Laughing

April 2, 2011
A laugh is a powerful gift.
A friend and I were shopping with her daughter today and things were getting silly. Our laughter carried through the aisles, and soon a woman called out my friend’s name. We stopped to see where the voice came from, and suddenly the stranger was hugging my friend. “It IS you! I’d know that laugh anywhere!”  After the mini-reunion ended, I started considering our laugh-attack. I never thought of my laugh, and certainly never had considered if anyone would identify me just by hearing me laugh. Do I even laugh enough for anyone to know what it sounds like? I hope so.
There are people in my life who I know by their laugh. My Aunt Stella, and my Dad and his brother all have the same laugh. My grandmother laughed that way too, but I’m sure I heard it more from her sister, Stella. I enjoy hearing the laughter of my children, and when I think about it, I can distinguish who is laughing.  Laughter is contagious, and laughing with others is just plain ‘good times’. It is a good thing to be known for your laugh. Laughter is the best medicine. Laugh and the world laughs with you. What did I learn? I want to laugh more. I want to be known for my laugh, known as a happy person. Live. Love. Laugh.

No kidding - we learn every day!!

April 1, 2011
Always Keep Learning
Every day, we learn something new. Often we don’t even have time to notice that knowledge or skill has been gained. It is taken for granted that learning happens. As adults most dread having to be taught something by anyone. Training is often thought of as a ‘necessary evil’, a break from ‘real work’, or a temporary escape where we can socialize or sneak in a nap (and if there’s free food, all the better!). Why do human resource departments feel that they have to force employees to sit through these sessions?
One reason is to help employees. HR specialists understand that when everyone is on the same page, and knows what is expected of them, it increases production. People are working and doing things the ‘right’ way. A new employee joins the team, we train them in policy and procedure, show them around the office, and they gain a sense of belonging and understand what is expected of them.
Of course, training doesn’t end there. Ongoing seminars might include customer service or an introduction to a new program or technology. The reasoning behind staff development initiatives might also be to weed out those who might not be top performers. When someone is given clear instruction on a policy or procedure and then fails to carry it out, written warnings and termination may follow. Though this is a sad practice in corporate life, most reputable companies truly are basing the desire to share knowledge on a hope that it will bring the teams closer together and improve the workplace environment. 
Bottom line is that most times training can’t be avoided, so find out why the session is being presented, and go in with an open mind. Ask what the objectives are for the subject, and make sure the message has been delivered before you leave. Signing off that you attended is important, but only half of it. If the trainer didn’t cover the subject completely or you still have questions, ask. One day it may come back to you that you should have known something, you were at the training. It could cost you your job.
The bonus is that usually there is something new you can take away from the experience. Sometimes you really have to look for it, or to recognize the concept for what it is, perhaps a twist on something you already know that helps add to your understanding. Even if it is only a new joke to share, you will be changed by the experience.
Education is a gift that we all take for granted, so I have decided that my mission is to note the new things I learn each day – to take time to appreciate them and to in turn, share them with you. If I am lucky, there may be multiple entries on some days. Every mistake, every question, every experience adds to who we are. So my purpose in this blog is to share what I’ve learned each day and to encourage everyone not only to seek knowledge, but to give yourself the time to appreciate what you have learned.