A year later, a year behind

Here I am
Once again
There's more to that song, but I can't think of it right now. I realize that last year at this time, I was depressed. Recently unemployed and having had something I really did love taken away from me, I felt deflated and useless. I still miss my school and my teachers and most of all my babies and their families. I see some on Facebook from time to time, but once again, a job I loved, a home away from home, is over. This fall, against my better judgement, I took a position as a Teacher's Aide in a local intermediate school. I am fully aware of the beauracracy of public school, but with the economy it was decided that a 'regular' source of income was a good idea. The hours were decent and worked around my kids' schedules, and overall it should have been a positive experience. Mornings were fine. I was with fifth graders, they were terrific. Afternoons, I went with sixth graders, and it was not fine. I had five stuents that I accompanied through study skills and whatever Related Arts course (music, Spanish, gym, etc) each day. I think under the circumstances, I did a fine job, but it was rough and I was not happy.

So here I am again, this time without the option of collecting unemployment. Now is the time to go back through everything I have taught and learned and gather my thoughts. I know what I really need to do is develop a plan, identify goals and objectives, and measurable outcomes. I do not feel sad or depressed, as I know that I am meant to work for myself, and even though I have taken on some responsibilities for a few people, I know eventually I will need to be in charge of my career again and I will make sure that I am the one in the leadership role. I will no longer work for someone on someone else's terms.

I still believe in Always Keep Learning, and I know that we do continue to learn each day. The value in today's lesson is to find your focus and follow it. It reminds me of being in the labor and delivery room at the hospital, trying to find something to focus on and work toward. Life is like that. Right now I feel as though I'm on a merry-go-round, and there are so many pretty horses and practical seats to choose from. I can stand and watch the ride, I can stand on the ride and wander, or I can pick the next horse and get on and enjoy the ride. 

I think the problem is I keep trying to choose a horse. Jumping on where someone else has ridden on a horse designed by someone else doing what someone else created it to do. I need to get off the stupid ride and create my own attraction. I think I've known this for some time now.

Too late for second guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes........................
and leap.